Love is… complicated. What one person needs in a relationship isn’t necessarily what their own partner needs. And – there’s nothing wrong with that. Each of us is unique; perfectly so. ✨ The five love languages help us break down exactly how we feel love. For example, a person could value sweet words more than physical touch – being told “I love you” or “You’re my favorite” lights them up more than a kiss or a touch or form of intimacy ever could. This all relates to the five love languages.
By understanding the five love languages, we can better understand what our partner needs in a relationship, and what we ourselves need. 😊 It’s also important to note that not all of us fit in just one of these categories. They all overlap and interact, but understanding which ones fit you best will help you in your love life.
The Five Love Languages, originally developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, are:
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
- Receiving Gifts
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
Let’s dive into each love language to discuss exactly what they are, and how people feel love through them.
Acts of Service
This love language focuses on doing something nice for your partner. It’s the physical expression of a kind gesture. Individuals who speak the language of acts of service feel love and value when their partner does something without being asked to. This person feels appreciated, because their partner is aware of everything they do in the relationship and decided to help them with their tasks. 😇
Ways to express love through acts of service are:
- Doing the dishes or chores around the house
- Filling up their car with gas, or getting it washed
- Picking up dinner so that they don’t have to cook
- Driving them somewhere, even though it’s out of your way
Individuals who speak in the language of physical touch prefer physical expressions of love over all other possible expressions. And no, it isn’t just sexual intimacy. These individuals feel loved and comforted most through other physical affection, such as holding hands, a light touch on their back, or massages. This person feels comforted and loved, knowing that their partner wants to be close to them. 😚
Ways to express love through physical affection are:
- Cuddling during a movie or show
- Having a hand at the small of their back during social gatherings
- Playing with their hair
- Massages at the end of the day
For individuals whose love language is receiving gifts, they see gifts as the utmost symbol of love and affection. Individuals who speak this love language treasure not only the gift but value the time and effort their partner put into choosing the gift for them. For them, a gift doesn’t have to be expensive – but it must have thought behind it. They feel valued because you thought about them and put their needs above your own finances, busy schedule, and individual needs. 🤗
Ways to express love through gift giving are:
- Surprise them with chocolates, flowers, or their favorite candy
- If you see something at a store that reminds you of them – buy it! Even if it’s silly.
- Take note of what they say they’ve been wanting, and gift it to them on special occasions.
- Save up to really “wow” them on anniversaries.
Words of Affirmation
This is all about expressing love through spoken words. Individuals with words of affirmation as their love language value words above all else. Additionally, words add to an experience. For example, cuddling on the couch is made sweeter by whispering some loving words into their ear. Individuals feel valued that you thought of them and actually vocalized those thoughts – as opposed to assuming that they already know you love them. They still like to hear it again, and again, and again. 😉
Ways to express love through words are:
- Making sure to say “I love you,” (and really say it) every day.
- Take little opportunities to make the most your time – fill up a short hello or goodbye with meaningful words
- Write them a love note, and leave it somewhere for them to find during their day
- Send them random little texts throughout the day
Simply put, an individual who values quality time simply wants your undivided attention. They feel love through designated, set-aside time spent together, investing into the relationship. Individuals feel love in these scenarios because you prioritized time together over everything else that tries to crowd your day. They love that you thought ahead enough to give them their time, too. 😍
Ways to express love through quality time are:
- Schedule your day so that you can spend 30 minutes together every night, doing something they enjoy (watching a show, exercising, eating together)
- Plan a date night, and really have it all thought out!
- Drink your morning coffee or tea together.
- Call them during your workday for just a few minutes – show them that you’re not too busy and you just want to hear their voice
Although they seem complicated at first glance, the five love languages boil down to very simple concepts. Knowing your partner’s love language helps you love them in the way they most value – and helps you understand what you value, as well. If you’re still curious on which love language you speak, check out this free online quiz.
I wish you the best in your love life + journey of discovering your love language!
💕 💕 💕