Q: How to be confident without losing weight?

3 min

There are times that we all get stuck in a rut of exercise and healthy eating just to gain our confidence back. But we need to realize there are MANY other ways to find confidence within ourselves rather than a scale.

Dear Ellie,

Recently I have put on a lot of weight. It is sad, but I have lost a lot of my confidence.

What are some steps to gain my confidence back outside of losing weight?

~ Feeling Blue Betty

Caitlin, today’s Dear Ellie columnist, has all kinds of clarity for us:

Dearest Heart,

Thank you for sharing this today! I understand the strain and difficulty in stating the truth, out loud, and to other people. My confidence is just not there…Hear that, World???

I congratulate you on finding this inner strength to recognize that you want to make the steps forward, and I know that each of those steps will quicken and soon enough, you’ll be coming back to your own balance. That doesn’t have to look a particular size, have specific dimensions, or be dressed like every other Sally out there.

Let us also address that this last year has been trying for so many, so if you’ve put on weight due to things going on, or even just absorbing all that has gone on for others, so be it. Is it impacting your health? If it is right now, then yes, let’s get you gently back into movement because the world needs great people in it, and girl, you’re on of them.

Okay, let’s outline a few steps that I would suggest to reboot your confidence.

Roots of Low Confidence

I want to start with what makes you tick. What do you like to do to relax? For me, I love sitting outside, meditating, organizing my closet (yeah, you read that right), taking a bath. I want you to find that spot because we’re going to do some work. Before we take steps forward that perhaps force confidence (read: band aids), let’s find some of the roots of your lower confidence.

In this quiet space/time, where thoughts of the outside world and social media are gone, walk through the areas of your life (see list below) and score it. 1 (low end) to 10 (high end). This does not have to be strenuous, just a quick number, I think you’ll find that there are one or two areas that cause either frustration, pain, or anger. With that, I want you to make some connections on where that area of your life may have impacted your confidence, and therefore triggered some weight gain. Just looking for the light bulb, if it isn’t already known.

  • Mind and Emotions (psychology and beliefs)
  • Relationships (intimate)
  • Body (health and fitness)
  • Family
  • Social/Friends/Fun
  • Business/Career
  • Money/Finances
  • Spirituality (religion, meditation practice)

Mindfulness and Meaning

Next, write down your blessing, your gratitude, and your appreciation for all the things going well in all those other areas of your life, even if they are on the lower end of the scale.

Confidence, I have found is less about the outside appearance and more about the gratitude for all you have achieved. Girl, I know you’ve kicked butt in many areas of your life but at this moment, it just feels a little cloudy. A gentle review and appreciation for what you have done, I promise you, will reignite that inner you-ness that’s hibernating for the winter. In life, there are winters…thank goodness that spring follows winter. We’re just getting you to your new spring.


Now, next step, let’s move to the outer layer. So you have more weight on you than you’d like, so make sure you feel good and confident in what you’re wearing each day. Clear the closet and drawers of what’s not working for you. You do not need those reminders right now. You need to feel good in what you wear to release the pattern that keeps taking you down. I myself have gained weight this last year and yep, in one of my closet-cleaning highs, that stuff is gone. Wear what fits and looks good, and that’s an easy step to boost your inner goddess.

Let’s get to daily actions. I want you to make a daily habit of three things:

  1. In the morning, when you wake up and before the world reminds you of everything, write down 10 things you are grateful for. Lean towards positive energy to start the day.
  2. Clean physical and mental house. Find a small area of something you want tidy. This is about gratitude for your space, a sense of accomplishment, and more. Don’t take on too much, just ONE thing per day.
  3. Do something for you that connects you with your body (aka “Me Time”). Go for a walk, sit outside where the sun/breeze hits you, take a bath, meditate, journal, cook yourself a nice meal, get your nails done. Your body will appreciate you back!

Habits bring us out of a mental fog vs. ruminating on all that’s going wrong. That’s what it is right now, a fig in winter that I promise will soon pass. Confidence will stomp forward.

I hear you and adore you for being a strong woman.

Hugs + Lashes,

Ellie + Caitlin

Image credit: https://au.ryderwear.com

Caitlin Goetze
Entrepreneurship Enthusiast + Connector. Caitlin has explored a variety of career paths that have centered around making connections and supporting great ventures. She is a forever learner, reading up on our spiritual path, leadership, mentorship, community support, and the creative realms.


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